Den of Iniquity

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Don't Look for Love

Posted on June 1, 2015 at 7:25 PM

 Don't Look for Love

Are you looking for love? Stop. You aren’t likely to find love when you’re looking for it. The more desperate you are to find it, the more certain it is that you won’t. Why?

For one thing, when you’re looking for love you’re likely to lunge at the first whiff of potential romance. And you’re likely to try to make it happen instead of just letting it happen. It never ends well. Chances are, you will make mistakes that will delay the day you find true love, and possibly guarantee that it will never happen.

I know that’s very difficult for youngsters to accept. You want what you want, and you want it now. That’s probably been true of every generation, but never more so than now. And that’s why so few people who fall in (what they think is) love stay in love for long.

But, you have to get out there and meet people. You won’t find love sitting alone in your room every night, either. So, how do you find love the right way? Stop looking for it. Stop obsessing about it, stop thinking about it. Instead, focus your energy on whatever it is you like to do, or whatever job you happen to have. Be the best you can be at whatever it is you do. Join a church and get active in it. Do some volunteer work. Start a hobby that involves groups. Focus on that, and let love find you.

You find love by making yourself loveable. You don’t do that by coming up with some photoshopped version of yourself that you think others will find attractive. Be yourself. That’s why so many people find romance in the workplace. There are lots of dangers associated with workplace romance, but it is inevitable, because work provides a great environment for sparking romance. At work people see you at your best and your not so much. They get a chance to see the real you. If someone falls in love with you in spite of yourself, you’ve got something to work with. If you can successfully navigate around the potential pitfalls associated with workplace romance, that’s another strong indication that you are off to a good start.

Making yourself loveable doesn’t necessarily mean making yourself more beautiful or glamorous, ladies. Of course, you want to look nice, but you don’t want to give the appearance that you are obsessed or preoccupied with your appearance. The best way to do that is to not be preoccupied with your appearance. For some reason, most guys who are worth having are more attracted to a woman who isn’t trying to be beautiful. Don’t be afraid to get your hands dirty or your hair mussed up when you’re doing something that’s important to you. Women are most beautiful when they aren’t trying to be. If the guy you have your eye on doesn’t find that alluring, you don’t want him. You don’t need to convince him that you’re beautiful. Let him figure it out on his own (or think he has). If he thinks you don’t know how beautiful you are, he’ll find you all the more irresistible.

There’s one more thing you need to pay attention to. You must enter any romance with a healthy attitude about love. You need to know that, no matter what happens, you are whole within yourself. You are a complete person, and your love partner does not make you anything less than a whole person. You must know that if and when the relationship no longer works for either of you, you will have the strength to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get on with your life – in some ways even better than ever before. You may be sad for a while, you may miss him/her for a while, maybe even a very long while, but your life is complete without that person. It’s another very difficult concept to wrap your romantic ideals around, but if you don’t know it, understand it, believe it, and practice it, you are just begging for heartbreak. And the funny thing is, the more you believe it, the less likely it is that you will ever need to prove it.

Find something to be passionate about besides yourself and your craving for love and romance. Love will find you. It may take a while. Be patient. It’s worth waiting for.



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