Den of Iniquity

Paraprosdokians & Other Quips

• The last thing I want to do is hurt you. There aren't many things on my list.
• War does not determine who is right. It determines who is left.
• Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
• I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
• A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
• You do not need a parachute to skydive. You need a parachute to skydive twice.
• You're never too old to learn something stupid.
• To be an expert marksman, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
• Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
• Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.
• When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department recommends using water.
• Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
• Behind the rise of a successful man is usually a woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.