|Posted on July 13, 2016 at 8:10 PM|
Paraprosdokians & Other Quips
- The last thing I want to do is hurt you. There aren't many things on my list.
- War does not determine who is right. It determines who is left.
- Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
- I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
- A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
- You do not need a parachute to skydive. You need a parachute to skydive twice.
- You're never too old to learn something stupid.
- To be an expert marksman, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
- Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
- Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.
- When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department recommends using water.
- Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
- Behind the rise of a successful man is usually a woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
Categories: Silly Stuff