Den of Iniquity

Click here to edit subtitle


American Psycho

Posted on July 7, 2017 at 9:30 PM


Me: You have a troubled marriage.

Her: No.

Me: There's been a recent death in the family.

Her: No.

Me: You're havin...

Read Full Post »

Cliche Souffle

Posted on July 5, 2017 at 11:30 AM

          Cliché Soufflé

Mary got my little goat.

A bird in the hand is worth a pound of cure.

Never put off until tomorrow never comes.

Judge not, lest ye be all that ye can be.

Never bite off more than m...

Read Full Post »

My Religion

Posted on November 19, 2016 at 11:55 PM



In the beginning, God said, let there be light. And there was Bud Lite. And God tasted it. And it was good. And God appeared to his prophets, Anheuser and Busch, and he said unto them, Be fruitful and multiply. And Busch said, My God, we aren't gay!...

Read Full Post »

Great Eggspectations

Posted on August 9, 2016 at 12:50 AM

Great Eggspectations


Since the dawn of civilization, man has struggled to understand himself and his environment. What is the meaning of life? Is there life after death? How can we explain man's inhumanity to man? Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Are brown eggs better than white?

Fret not, I will reveal all. Let's start wit...

Read Full Post »


Posted on August 9, 2016 at 12:45 AM



Big ol' fleas have little fleas upon their backs to bite'em;

Little fleas have lesser fleas, and so ad infinitum.

Read Full Post »


Posted on August 9, 2016 at 12:35 AM



Beelzebulb: A light bulb that breaks in the socket.

Beelzebus: How devils get around.

Beelzebug: A wasp buzzing around your head.

Beelzebuns: Why Lucifer needs to work out.

Beelzeburbs: Where affluent sinners live.


Read Full Post »

You Might be a Geezer

Posted on July 13, 2016 at 8:20 PM

You might be a geezer if . . .

  • you have more grandkids than teeth.
  • your afterlife is all set, but your social life Depends.
  • your senior discount and your IQ have roughly evened out.
  • running for office is about a doctor, not an election.
  • you offer to help someo...
Read Full Post »

Might As Well Live

Posted on July 13, 2016 at 8:15 PM



You Might as Well Live

Razors pain you

Rivers are damp

Acids stain you

And drugs cause cramp.

Guns aren't lawful

Nooses give

Gas smells awful

You migh...

Read Full Post »

Paraprosdokians and Other Quips

Posted on July 13, 2016 at 8:10 PM

Paraprosdokians & Other Quips

  • The last thing I want to do is hurt you. There aren't many things on my list.
  • War does not determine who is right. It determines who is left.
  • Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
  • I didn't say it was your fault, I sa...
Read Full Post »

Occam Schnocham

Posted on July 13, 2016 at 7:30 PM

Occam Schnocham

Occam's Razer:

Two explanations being otherwise equal,

the simpler one is better.

Occam's Hummer:

Two vehicles being otherwise equal,

the more expensive one is sex...

Read Full Post »


Posted on July 2, 2016 at 12:00 AM



You are unique. Just like everyone else.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Sorry for the delay.

Think positive! But buy insurance.

There's no such thing as a free lunch. But that doesn't mean you have to pay for it.

Read Full Post »


Posted on July 1, 2016 at 3:10 PM


Every living person has the power to get everything they want in life. Here's my easy, guaranteed one-step formula:

Just stop wanting the things you can't have.

* * * * *

A friend of mine brought his pretty young niece to th...

Read Full Post »